I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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