What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
