I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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