i don't like sucking hair
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
