I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
