I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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