im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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