i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
