question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
