In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
she smelled like a LAN party
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
