Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize