you're like a bully in the Christmas story
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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