Just fell off a train. Bad.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
