Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
