What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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