he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So vagazzling was a success
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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