Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
