Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
