lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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