I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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