I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Did I show you my penis last night?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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