My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
