my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I think my fart just growled at me.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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