When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
