I'm lost and stupid without you.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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