Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
