Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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