i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
