I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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