Define "chronic" masturbator.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
