I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Randomize
