The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
