Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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