I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
