all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
