Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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