he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
