the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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