it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
