I cannot find my penis.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
There are leaves in my underwear?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
