It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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