were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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