conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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