She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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