I wish I only lived at night.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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