So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
