I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
sarcasm needs its own font
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
