I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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