Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
