I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
