Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
