I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
