I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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