Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
