I'm really into asian looking animals
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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