cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
