He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
