I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
