I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
