and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
