Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
