I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
