He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
