sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize