I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
