I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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