he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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