If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I FOUND THE LEGS
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
