All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
