she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
