Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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