Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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