Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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