My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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