Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
