If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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