Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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