my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
