who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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