No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
