I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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