he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize