And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
