kristin has been a bad kristin
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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