she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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