drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
