Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
