The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
