finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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