I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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