If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
